Phases of pain when your best friend turns you down & ignores
you
Part I (overall)
We
all value different kind of relationships more than other in our life. For me
friendship is one which is the most satisfying of all the relations as there is
no specific bondage attached to it.
Friendship
is something that builds you up, supports you, keep you going specially when
you have completely given up. Some
friendships are toxic; they break you down and hurt you, but out of all the
heartbreak you come out as a stronger and better version of yourself. But some
friendships are for life & they become your life. They are the freshair
that you need to breath.
Most of us miss-understand how can someone be so
close & still we don’t expect anything apart of friendship, that’s why its
called friendship. No matter what type of friendship it is, it surely has
purpose in your life.
There are friends that I used to have that are no
longer in my life, but that does not mean I don’t appreciate everything that
those friends did for me. I know that I wouldn’t be alive today, let alone the
version of myself I am now, had I not had those friends.
Thank you for supporting me and loving me when I did
not know how to love myself. Thank you for moulding me into the person I am finally
proud to be. Thank you for leading me closer to my purpose and
thank you for allowing me the absolute honor of having you all own a piece of
my heart.
Just because you are no longer in my lives does not
mean that I do not love you with every inch of my soul. Any past fights or
horrible words said I’ve long forgotten and forgiven, and I hope you’ve done
the same. I only think of you with love. I reminisce in happy memories and look
back on my time with you with absolute love. There’s no regret in my heart.
I know that you are also no longer with me for a
reason. Maybe we will reconnect one day or maybe we won’t. But each of you
changed my life for the better, and for that I am forever grateful to you
Part
II (when they vanish)
You just vanished, At one point, you had me convinced
that I did something wrong somewhere between all those laughs and happy moments
we shared together. How was it fair to be the one who was left behind and still
made believe that I was the one lacking in the relationship?
Days will turn into months. Days that I will try waking up in the
morning with the hope it wouldn’t sting that much anymore. Months that I
diverted my attention thinking this would make me forget but only to see a
single thing that would make all our memories resurface.
I was lonely, sad, mad, and hurt. I was
terrorized by my own false hopes. I thought getting you back would heal the
wounds and we could return to square one. But you are detrimental to me. I was
so obsessed of trying to have you in my life again that I forgot how happy I
can be without the toxicity you caused me. You just forgot I exist, you knew that I was in pain & to what logic you refused to come back & talk. What were you so hurt for, we all make mistakes & so did I, but have u your self never made any mistake ? And now every time I look for gentleness
in your palms, it reminds me of the sharp stings you gave me.
I am running away from
you, When it becomes really hard to breath, we all have faced such a
situation in our life where for no reason circumstances change in a flick of a
second and it just become impossible to survive that change.
Part
III (Hard to breath as cant manage without you)
Life puts a vice on you in a way you can’t explain, it
just becomes impossible. I can’t put into words the constriction in my soul. I don’t know how it got there, I just know it comes and goes as it
pleases, like a wayward lover. I am just wounded. My soul tied in knots,
goosebumps on my skin, an unforgiving chill runs
down your spine, my legs freeze & I don’t have stamina to get down from
bed. My stomach, unable to settle, caving in on itself.
Sometimes I have to slow down to a crawl, so I can escape in
the underground tunnel of my faith – which is most often buried under the
concrete that weighs of my spirit down. There will be days where the best thing
I can do is nothing at all. Feel the heaviness…cry it out…sleep it off.
There’s no definition to my version of self care. But even in those days
where the pain seems unending, remember the faith buried deep inside you that,
once released, will carry me to freedom.
Freedom from what? From the prison created by your
deepest fears.
I may fear that I are inadequate, unworthy of
warmth and compassion. I may fear that I will fail. That my dreams will
never be attained.
But for all !!
Every day that dawns you have the chance to rise, like
the sun. You may have crawled inside yourself, but you can emerge from that
darkness into the light that your faith creates. You don’t have to fear hope –
that maybe the door opens and your dream comes to fruition..that maybe the hand
you extend will be enveloped by another…that maybe, just maybe, today you will
feel the warmth that releases your soul from the from the chains fear created.
I am here to validate your struggles. But I am also
here to remind you that the space you occupy in the world is valuable. You
matter – no matter what you may have told yourself or been told by someone
else. You are beyond adequate – you are magnificent. You are beyond worthy –
you are priceless. You may have scars, but that is where the light can get in
and the shadows are chased out. Every breath you take, though labored is a
testament to your strength – another chance to get through. Another step
towards your light.
Faith is another breath away. Breathe in, my darling.
Breathe in ..
